- At October 23, 2014
- By Allan
- In Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT) in Marriage counseling & couples therapy, Conflict, Dialectical behavior therapy in couples counseling and marriage therapy, Difficult Emotions, Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with Couples, Empathy and Vulnerability, Healing after an Affair, NEW BABY - NEW PARENTS, Relationship physiology
Some interesting thoughts on making a relationship and marriage last in this article in Men’s Health magazine
Worth a look…
Challenge and Adversity are pregnant with possibility…
A powerful talk – worth listening.
Emotionally Focused therapy: “I want to feel secure, safe and connected with my partner… this is so important to me
Emotionally Focused Couples therapy
Emotionally Focused therapy is powerful because it looks at relationship patterns which develop around our attempts to meet our needs for secure connection.
Sue Johnson, one of the founders of EFT talks about the approach.
This is worth a look
We’re increasingly swamped with screens, information, technology and busyness. And with more speed and busyness, its all too easy to lose touch with ourselves and each other. In a very real sense, we were given all this technology without a manual on how to manage the impact on our lives.
Sometimes deep joy and contentment is found more in quiet and still places. The kind of settling down that happens away from screens and technology.
This is a wonderful article and well worth a look….
About 4000 years ago, Lao Tzu spoke about the Law of Reversed Effort. The more we try to push something away, the bigger and more threatening it becomes. This speaks loudly to the experience of Anxiety. The more we try to avoid, duck and push away, the bigger it grows.
This is where Acceptance comes in – Mindful Acceptance is central to Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT)
- At July 08, 2013
- By Allan
- In Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT) in Marriage counseling & couples therapy, Conflict, Dialectical behavior therapy in couples counseling and marriage therapy, Difficult Emotions, Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with Couples, Empathy and Vulnerability, NEW BABY - NEW PARENTS
Our brains love and crave the familiar.
We so easily slip into automatic pilot, habitual ways of looking and making sense and reacting to our experience. Once in a while, we actually show up to the present … And before we know it, we’ve lived a life and barely shown up for it at all.
- At July 08, 2013
- By Allan
- In Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT) in Marriage counseling & couples therapy, Dialectical behavior therapy in couples counseling and marriage therapy, Difficult Emotions, Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with Couples, Empathy and Vulnerability, Relationship physiology
Dan Siegel speaks about the value of Mindfulness practice. A bit like flossing the brain.
The EFT therapy approach provides down-to-earth, practical and often, transformative alternatives for couples.
This mystery of love, this mixture of sex and emotion – what happens in relationships that we are swept to the heights of passion and delight, to anxiety and anger, shame and rage.
EFT draws on contemporary research and findings and is enriched by understandings from interpersonal neurobiology.
Blaming our partners…
So much of the suffering and complaints in relationships are blamefully directed at our partners.
If only he or she were different. If only …then, then things would be perfect.
“Why can’t he ever be on time…it pisses me off?”
“If he just cleaned up after himself.. this relationship would be great”
“I’d be happy if he wasn’t just so chubby” … and the list of complaints goes on.
“I just wish she was more like my last girlfriend …”
Worth a few minutes of listening…
It’s so much easier to believe that we are right – and that our partner is wrong. Indeed, this is the basis for so much struggle in relationship: I’m right (and therefore one up) and you are wrong (and one down). Most of the issues which couples argue over have many perspectives – most issues have many shades of opinion and that evidence can be gathered to support these many different positions on any issue.
The key lies in being able to let go of our attachment “to being right” and opening to listen to the other.
A worthwhile TED talk by Kathryn Schulz …. “On being wrong..”
I invite you to take some time (with your partner or alone) and listen …