Lets face it folks, taking care of a marriage or couple relationship can be one of the toughest things to do in the world. But it can also be a source of enormous joy, fulfillment, fun, purpose, meaning and happiness.
The harsh reality we often are faced with is that the pressures and stressors of everyday life all too often sap our energy, leaving us feeling exhausted with little to no fuel for attending to our partners. This becomes all the more difficult when there are children or work obligations demanding our attention. At the end of the day its often easier to collapse in front of the TV than to take the energy to connect with the person we once felt really close to.
One of the issues that frequently comes up in the course of relationship and marriage counseling is that so many couples today face the harsh reality of living lives literally starved of time. As a result, the couple’s relationship gets shoved to the back burner – with the result that we get to catch up with each other for a few hours on the weekends, if we are fortunate enough.
This isn’t an exaggeration. Its tough to nurture a relationship when both parents are working or have full schedules, when children demand our attention and care, when the demands of day to day living seem to wash away every minute of spare time.
We used to take walks on the beach, go out to listen to music, go out for a drink together, remember? We were friends then. We laughed together, shared our experiences and adventures, we knew the details of each others lives. Then our first child was born. Sound familiar? The impact of a new baby on a couple is huge. It is as if the ground shakes and the world changes forever. Often these life-altering events need to be addressed and fully explored in marriage and couples counseling.
But all is not lost. A core element in marriage and relationship counseling and therapy focuses on building a climate of friendship and appreciation. Of re-establishing affection and caring and tenderness. Of opening ourselves to the day-to-day and week-to-week details of each others lives – once more.
It’s as if we need to have fertile soil for the tree to grow. Affection and caring are the soil out of which friendship grows. So a vital aspect of Marriage and relationship counseling and therapy focuses on developing skills which not only supports allowing affection and caring to grow and develop but directly builds relationship resiliance, increased intimacy,transformation and healing.
There is no doubt about it, the stronger the friendship, the more we can work towards conflict resolution and relationship resiliance. The more the couples counselling can provide skills to resolve and work with conflict and differences. And the easier it becomes to repair and heal the relationship after skirmishes or misunderstandings. Couples therapy can provide a wholesome framework for developing evidence-based approaches for repairing and healing relationships. Couples counseling and therapy provides a secure space for learning precisely the skills which support resilience and deepen connection and intimacy.
In the Marriage and Couple’s Counseling and skill training we focus on developing skills and resiliance which support building friendship, trust and safety in the relationship, particularly where there isn’t a lot of spare time. Not only is this possible, its also not that difficult. All it takes are a few focused minutes each day, where the skills are exercised and practiced.
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Other important research-based approaches with strong relevance to Marriage and Couples counseling:
Gottman Couples Therapy (click on)
Acceptance and Comittment Therapy (ACT) in Marriage and Couples Therapy: An overview (click on)
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) in Couples and Marriage Therapy (click on)