New Baby: the Joys and Challenges
“I remember being so tired that I would fall asleep in the middle of the day, at the office, in the playground, wherever.”
“We seem to have drifted apart since Sara was born… we just don’t connect like we used to.”
“I don’t know how to deal with the tiredness and irritability.. we seem to be exhausted all the time and at each other non-stop”
“We really find it hard to find time for each other – its like our relationship hardly exists any more – except for being there for the kids. Its a drag.”
“I miss the warmth and affection… I mean, the baby seems to get it all… and we hardly touch each other anymore..”
“This is much more challenging than I ever expected.. I think we really need support and skills..”
A new baby really impacts on a relationship in powerful ways and its quite natural for Couples and
relationships to feel overwhelmed as well as emotionally drained.
* It’s not unusual that what was once an established and orderly daily routine gets turned upside down.
* It’s not unusual that it seems like all the energy and attention goes to the baby (and children) leaving our relationship behind.
* It’s not unusual that we seem to bicker and argue a whole lot more.
* It’s not unusual that we hardly have time for ourselves, let alone the relationship.
* It’s not unusual that we seem to lose touch with friends and family.
* It’s not unusual that we are more critical and harsh with each other.
But all is not lost. A core element in marriage and relationship counseling focuses on building a climate of friendship and appreciation. Of re-establishing affection and caring and tenderness. Of 
opening ourselves to the possibilty of transforming and recovering a relationship worth having.
It’s as if we need to have fertile soil for the tree to grow. Commitment to the Values which we share – respect, affection, commitment, caring – are the soil out of which friendship grows. So a vital aspect of Marriage and relationship counseling focuses on developing skills which allow this affection and caring to grow and develop.
There is no doubt about it, the stronger the friendship, the more we can work with conflict and differences. And the easier it becomes to repair the relationship after skirmishes or misunderstandings. Couples therapy can provide a wholesome framework for developing evidence-based approaches for repairing and healing relationships.
Skill-learning module for Couples with new Baby.
The skill learning focuses on several areas which strengthen the couples resiliance to the challenges of parenting. These include skills which:
* support & prepare our relationship for the Big Change;
* allow you both to build affection, fondness and warmth;
* you’ll increase resiliance to stress-producing day to day demands of caring for an infant;
* you’ll increase in ability to negotiate together, working towards mutually satisfying solutions;
* you’ll are more able to clarify values and commit to behavior and action in support of these values;
* you’ll increase your ability to regulate conflict and emotional intensity;
* you’ll increase skills around repairing and healing relationship hurts.
Marriage and Couple Therapy sessions: What to expect?
* Marriage and Couple Therapy sessions are highly focused skill-building sessions which introduce strategies and skills.
* The sessions provide a safe, relaxed and comfortable space for learning new skills. The atmosphere is easy going usually with a fair amount of humour.
* Skills are taught in sessions which usually are between one hour and ninety minutes. Sometimes longer sessions are scheduled, if requested.
* Homework is an important component of the therapy work. This might include practicing newly learned skills, small amounts of reading, keeping a log and giving feedback.
What you’ll take away with you are research-based strategies and skills which are quite easily learned and which can be practiced and developed over time.
….SO DON’T DESPAIR. DON’T GIVE UP.
We give you the tools which you can start using immediately to help your relationship and marriage thrive and grow. So give yourself, your partner and your family a truly precious gift: the opportunity to have the relationship and family you really want.
Allan Pleaner MFT
allanpleaner@gmail.com
#415-468-2627 office
#415-218-4653 cell
#415-753-6657 fax
Office locations in San Francisco Daly City Burlingame